1:46:14 by my watch. That's what I ran yesterday at Cascade Half Marathon. More than 3.5 minutes faster than I ran it last year, and more than 6 minutes better than 2008. I'd told myself I wanted to run 1:47 this year, but my unspoken goal was 1:45. Maybe if there hadn't been headwinds on parts of the flat course, I could have shaved off 15 seconds or more.
I felt strong and capable the entire way and had a good finishing kick, yet why was I not jumping for joy at the end? Once again a classic case of not meeting my "true" goal. Like last year at Eugene Marathon: All along I'd been aiming to break 4 hours, yet about halfway through training, I got it in my head that I could qualify for Boston. When I shattered 4:00, but missed BQing by 1:38 minutes, I was left with stinging disappointment.
I wasn't that bummed yesterday, but I was let down to have come so close yet miss 1:45. As I have mulled over my reaction, I've decided it must be genetic. When I was in school, my mom specialized in focusing on the negative instead of the positives on my report card. I'd bring home a card littered with As, except for a B in Algebra and Woodshop. Instead of praising the top grades, my mom would harp on the less-than-perfect ones.
Don't get me wrong: I love my mom with my whole heart and think she's the greatest mom ever. But as much as I wish I could cook as well as she does or be as warm-hearted as she is, I need to appreciate my effort even if my result isn't always A+.
-SBS
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9 comments:
Congratulations on your PR! I get disappointed in the same sort of way. I know that you have to let yourself enjoy your success, rather than wishing you'd done x,y, or z, but it is easier said than done!
Rock the house sista I would kill (well almost) for that time! Congrats on a great PR (I'm positive you'd have been faster without those headwinds too!).
My mother was the same damn way...drove me bonkers.
I hate the wind! I PR'd Tucson by a mere 13 seconds but had I not had to endure 25 mph headwinds for 17 solid miles, I know it would have been minutes, not seconds (I remembered to EAT for heaven's sake!!!). I feel your disappointment. This wind will make so much stronger cuz that wind is a guarantee in Big Sur. I am super proud of you, Chicka. Thought about you most of the day. Celebrate your victory with a head held high - you so deserved it!
I too am VERY VERY self critical. On one hand it has been a blessing because I never settle for less than my best. On the other hand it would be nice now and again to just accept things and be happy.
Hugs to a new PR!
Wow you were soooo close to Boston
We have the same mom!
Congrats on the PR. You will have another day to chase after that 1:45. Half the fun is in the getting there.
A PR is a PR! Great job! That 1:45 is still out there waiting for you - isn't fun to think that you get more shots at it? :)
fantastic PR sbs! I say well done no matter what your mom says.
Hey girl, we are 2 peas in a pod (hubby HATES it when I'm so self-denigrating)
However, you need to celebrate this one. I HAVE that 1:45 half marathon... but you know what I did the next half I ran? 1:53. What's my point?
It is just a number - a very fleeting number - that depends so much on so many changing variables, such as the course, the weather, your body, your mental state, etc.
So, enjoy your victory because there aren't many people who can run a 1:46!
In addition to focusing on your positive achievement, maybe you should reconsider your practice of setting internal goals that are different from your explicit goal. If you really think the internal goal is possible, make that your explicit standard, stick to it and don't talk to yourself about any other goal. You're just setting yourself up for disappointment, and maybe even not training to the level you are capable of (if you truly believe the internal goal is possible). You can do it!
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